anger, sadness, frustration, restart…

With multiple doctors’ appointments yesterday, I felt very on urge when I left. Being told that some things early on in life, when I was a wee babe/child, could have been mitigated a large sum of concerns that I am with now. I am still feeling a lot from this alone; probably will for awhile. Now, almost everything is a wait and see game now. Although, I’d like to think that my life is more than a “watching game” like sports or other forms of entertainment. And that I’m more than a number on a test.

It’s tough. Instead of some doctors being able to say the 3 words, “I don’t know,” they like to turn it back onto the patient. And/or shaming their patients in various forms: weight shaming, appearance, etc. So that their ego/pride stays intact. Making their patients feel like complete garbage. Their invalidation speaks volumes.

Yesterday was 1 of those days where I questioned myself, my health, my body. I questioned a lot while a mix of emotions were swirling; bouncing on and off of me. Swirling around and bouncing while tears streamed down my face on the drive home.

Back in the saddle today; just taking it a moment at a time…

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